Sunday, February 20, 2011

The outcome

Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, Dont do it, thats all that has been on my mind today!

What I do not want to do is something that if done it would move me from being a positive influence for some one i care about to being a pest.

See the debate that has been raging in my mind... and around various living rooms, smokey stairwells and the mobile phone airwaves... has been whether to reveal my feelings to some one i have grown to really care about over the past few months.

Now, as you can already decipher, I have been twisted over a person i honestly thought could be the one.

My only problem is that i cannot get myself to admit it or confront that person with my emotions.

After many debates and conversations i grew the courage and resilience!

I found that releasing these feelings out in to the open actually feel a lot better than just bottling them. A weight was lifted off my shoulders and the fear that I had was unfounded!

The response though... it was another thing all together ;)

It was the response I have been longing for =D

but hold on a second.... lets track back for a minute.... and come back to the real world!

I did muster up the courage and I had the best line ever to do it, or so I thought.

Now this person i have been rambling on about is someone that i like for who she is including all the faults and quirks. The beauty of that person with in shines outwards so brightly that its hard to avoid.

The strength of character and detirmination are so admirable that it is comparable to figures in history that were adored and followed by many of our ancestors and predecessors.

But today all this changed when I was brushed aside by the realities of life, I have had so many chances to be honest and clear from the beginning but now i think it's too late.

I might be slightly dramatizing the situation but knowing my impatient self this is how i really feel.

The dismissal was with out even letting me reveal the truth of how i felt, or even a hint of it. My hesitation was the noose I hung my self with.

From past experience, any attempts to salvage are useless. Strike while the Iron is hot! thats the new rule I will go by.

Over the past few weeks, i will have to admit, I have fallen in love and have fallen hard. All that stuff about love at first sight bla bla bla.... BELIEVE IT !

its true and its out there.

Those who can DO and those who cant TEACH so my lesson to you all is to live and learn.

Live and learn just like i did because if you overcome your own personal insecurities and do all the right steps, like a chess grandmaster, there are unforeseen things that can fudge up your track.

i will now hesitantly post this blog and just move on and try to pick up my shattered self.

The only thing that is going to stay in my mind is: What if i held on and waited some more before I gave up?

But bleh - like one of my oldest friends told me last weekend - just live your life like she never existed and toss her in to the darkest corner of your brain.